Note: This whole post is really just a message to one person.

Jessica,
I really don't think I should apologize for expressing my opinions, and I think I have justification in doubting the seriousness of your threats. In the seven years we have been friends, I can't think of one instance in which you have actually followed through with one of these threats. Plus I know how you love to mess with people, like the time you convinced that girl at your college that you didn't have a tv the entire time you were growing up and your only source of entertainment was a radio that only played news broadcasts. I'm not that gullible, but just in case you are mad, I'm not sorry for what I wrote, but I am sorry I offended you. I had no idea your sentiments for the president ran so deep, to an almost freakish level (j/k). So you don't have to leave a comment if you don't want to. Just know that if you don't, that's really mean and it will make me look really stupid, so you really should.

LYLAS,
Alison