Ugh.

Having a not so good few days. Called best friend and mom twice, bursting into tears, although not because of stress or finals. Can't wait to get home, but not looking forward to working at grocery store. However, one must pay dues, mustn't one? Break will be nice, being at home will be nice, hugging my parents will be nice, as I miss them much more than I did last year. In some ways, I feel more alone than I did last year, and in some ways I don't. Very confused. Sometimes I think it may be best to live life away from other people, so as not to get in their way and not to let them affect you in negative ways. Perhaps I shall become antisocial, that way I'll be sure to not hurt or bother anyone or be hurt in return. I could live entirely alone in an abandonded cabin in the woods, having little contact with the outside world, except to buy groceries. That would either turn me into a socially awkward and slightly demented genius, or a complete and total nutcase who had spoons for best friends and served them dinner by candlelight. Regardless, it hurts to feel like you've made someone you care about upset just by being alive and just by living your life normally. Especially when there's nothing you can do about it because it is just who you are and what you do. I need to go home.

I can't figure out what to write about for my American Lit. exam. I have to find a common theme between the works of nine of the authors we read and discuss what makes their writing American, what some of the common themes and myths are, some patterns in the stories, and what is an "American story" as depicted in the texts. This is very hard to do, as many of the stories contradict one another. I had an interesting theory, but I don't think my professor would like it very much because it would be too negative and probably leave too many gaps that could challenge my thesis. Perhaps later, if I have time, I will elaborate here, as it is a fairly interesting topic to me.

Sorry for the negativity. It balances out the craziness I was feeling last week. However, moods fluctuate as quickly as an ice cube melts in the Sahara Desert, so by next week, everything will be okay.

Blech, 3 finals and a paper, none of which I feel prepared for. It'll all be over soon, as time passes so quickly anymore. It feels like if I close my eyes for too long, college will be over, and when I open them, I won't know where I am.