What an amazing day in men's gymnastics! I was psyched to watch the men's all-around competition, and was rooting for Paul Hamm to win the gold all the way. Full of ups and downs (literally) and all sorts of unbelievable mishaps, I was not disappointed.

It was a tough competition with scores in the range of 9.7 required to stay in contention for a medal, and after the first 3 events, Hamm seemed to be in decent shape, in first place by a few tenths of a point. Competition was stiff with the determined Chinese champion edging closer and the Bulgarians and South Koreans not far behind. Everything was great for the Americans, especially Hamm, and I felt fairly confident that he could stick it out to the end. That was, up until the disastrous incident on the vault.

Although I've never done gymnastics before, in my opinion, the vault looks a little scary. From a distance, it appears simple, just a little bench in the middle of a long stretch of mat. I can't imagine the skill and confidence it would take to go running full speed immediately into a series of contorted flips and somersaults in midair, then landing on your feet. If it were me, I would start running, then stop just before I reached the spring, thinking "You want me to jump over that? Yeah...right. I'll just climb over it". But that's why I'm not a gymnast.

The vault appears to be a bit of a problem even for professional gymnasts at the Olympics. Paul Hamm was not an exception. After astounding scores on his first three apparatuses, Hamm approached the vault, running at top speed, appearing to have all the confidence in the world. His aerobatics appeared flawless until he approached the floor. I sucked in a mouthful of air and let out a loud, prolonged gasp as I watched him fall over backwards, roll out of bounds, and nearly fall into the judges table. "No no no no no no no no noooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I shouted emphatically. (I'll admit, sometimes I get a little emotional during these competitions.) Everyone was shocked. The announcers, the coaches, the audience, Hamm himself. It seemed as though a mistake that drastic would knock him completely out of medal contention. The look on his face said it all. He was sure he had blown his chance to be the first American to win a gold medal in the men's all-around gymnastics competition. I was so upset I wanted to turn the TV off. But I didn't. I regained my composure and did what any respectable, open-minded person would do. I loudly willed the other teams to fall flat on their faces.

Hamm's blunder opened the door for the Chinese hopeful to win gold, something he had never accomplished and wanted desperately during his last Olympics. I understand that in China, gymnasts are revered to the extent of our professional basketball and football players, so he felt obligated to bring home only the best. Why, him losing the gold would be like our Olympic dream team in basketball not winning any medal or not even making it to the finals! Oh wait, that already is happening. Anyway, I feel as though the Chinese gymnast was a little too obsessed with winning nothing less than gold, adding immense pressure to himself. That may explain his blunder on the high bar. Seeing as how he was now in first place, I wanted him to mess up in order to give Hamm a chance at moving up in the ranks. I kept saying aloud over and over again, "Fall! Fall! Fall! Fall! Fall!" I wasn't expecting it to work, but it did. Evidently, my pleas went back in time and made him miss grabbing the bar, kick his trainer, and eventually be forced to let go of the bar, losing him major major points and giving him no chance at receiving a medal. I'm so evil 0:) Perhaps I have some sort of mystical power, because soon after, the gymnasts from Bulgaria had similar problems, although not quite as severe as the Chinese. Evidently, my powers don't effect Koreans, because they seemed to be the only ones to not make any major blunders (although they still received mostly mediocre scores.)

After a lovely performance by Hamm on the parallel bars, it all came down to his skill on the high bar, considered to be his strongest event. Amazingly enough, with a fairly decent score, it was possible for him to medal. Perhaps not the gold, as I had zealously wanted him to win, but nonetheless, a medal of some sort. After using my powers to cause the other competitors to mess up, I focused all my energy on Hamm, telling him not to mess up, not to fall off, and to do a fantastic job. Of course it was my influence, I mean, it couldn't possibly be that these world-renowned athletes would mess up at the Olympic games, even if it was pre-recorded hours before I watched. So, with a little help from my time traveling psychic abilities, Hamm pulled off a routine on the high bar that he is likely to remember for the rest of his life.

His routine was performed impeccably, without missing a single release, and sticking the landing perfectly. Everyone knew it was phenomenal, but was it enough for the coveted gold? I, along with everyone else watching, waited exuberantly for the results. I was hugging a pillow, hands clasped, fingernails digging into my skin waiting for the verdict. (I told you I get a little excited.) Was this final routine enough to make Paul Hamm the first American to win the men's all-around gymnastics competition? Was it good enough to pull him up from once 12th place all the way up to 1st? Was it possible for a gymnast to make such a serious slipup and still win a gold medal? 9.837! It was! The crowd roared as Hamm was accosted by his coaches, a look of confusion, disbelief, and amazement on his face. He did it! He won the gold by the narrowest margin in the history of gymnastics, 0.012 points! A squeal of excitement burst out of my mouth as I released the pillow and erupted into spurt of applause. History was made in the world of Olympic gymnastics, and I was once again filled with the unequivocal joy of watching someone else's dreams come true.

From this remarkable story comes two important lessons:
1. The cliched aphorism about never giving up, even when the odds seem completely against you and the window of hope seems to be open but a crack, and
2. Don't mess with me, or I will use my time traveling psychic gymnastic altering abilities to ruin your life.