Well, my roommate left about an hour ago, that means no tv, movies, anything, only me and my computer. I have yet to receive the questions for my philosophy final from my professor, who was supposed to send them through e-mail, so it's fairly pointless for me to begin studying when I have no idea what to study. In other words, I'm all alone for the next four days with nothing but my music and my computer, and lots of alone time means lots of reflection about my own life, which leads to lots of writing.

So here I sit, half my room empty and bare, the other half beginning to look sparse from my own packing for when my parents get here tomorrow. No matter what I do, the same memories keep running over and over again through my head. Let us rewind to nearly a year ago at June-O. I enter my empty room (also in Curtis East), much like the way it looks now and sit down at a desk. Of course all I have is an overnight bag with some clothes. No books, I left those in the car. My cell phone won't work in the room, so I can't call anyone, not even my parents in the nearby hotel, who I desperately want to talk to. I am absolutely TERRIFIED of everything having to do with college and bored out of my mind. So what do I do? I dig around in my bag until I find a scrap piece of paper and a pen and I begin to write. I remember sitting at that empty desk staring around at those bare, ugly, off-white walls, wondering what I was doing there. I wondered what would happen to me, who I would meet, whether or not I would fit in, but above all else, I just wanted to leave. I tried to find someone to talk to, knowing I would have to suck it up and randomly talk to strange people, but alas, there was no one anywhere on the floor, at least not that I could see. I had yet to meet the girl I was supposed to be rooming with and hadn't spoken a word to anyone in my June-O group. I felt miserable and didn't think I'd ever meet anyone that I would like. I remember one of the girls in my June-O group who was so friendly and so bubbly that I thought I could never get along with someone like her. She was just too outgoing and would always be surrounded by people and never have any reason to pay attention to me. She would never have trouble fitting in. However, what I remember most of all was sitting at that empty desk, no people, no books, nothing at all around me except the sounds of laughter and excited voices coming from the open window next to me. All I could do was wonder if that was what my college experience would be like. I was so afraid of being stuck alone in that small empty room with a virtually nonexistent roommate while everyone around me experienced laughter and excitement. I was so full of anxiety and worry, wondering why I had decided to go so far away all alone, and just wanting to be home, away from all the confusion and uncertainty.

Fast forward to now, basically finished with my freshman year of college (only one more final 3 days from now). I sit in awe of what has happened to me in the past year. I feel as though it has been recorded on a tape that I can rewind, pause, and look at one still frame at a time. I can sit here, and month by month pick out exactly what I was thinking and feeling and remember distinct images, even things as mundane as sitting in an economics class. I could go on forever about what has happened to me in the past year, things most people know, things only a few people know, and things that no one in the world except me knows about. But I'm not going to do that. I feel as though I could write a book based on all the experiences and changes that have happened to me. However, these experiences are probably not unique; I'm sure everyone who makes it through their freshman year of college has these similar experiences. However, it's strange, ironic, and somewhat humorous how things turned out. It just so happens that the girl in my June-O group that I thought I'd never get along with is now in my sorority and one of my very good friends. She's living on west quad next year, so we'll be hanging out a lot. And just for the record, she was terrified at June-O as well and did not feel the least bit bubbly that day. The girl I roomed with at June-O is living in Curtis East next year and everytime I see her we stop and talk about how much fun we're going to have here next year. Most importantly, my roommate from this year turned out to be more than just a roommate; she became an amazing friend. So the bottom line is that things turn out in ways you would never expect. I was so worried, so terrified that I would have a horrible roommate, that everyone here would be completely different from me, and that I would never ever have anyone to talk to. So, just like Aesop, we will now have the moral of the story: don't spend so much time worrying over things that you cannot completely control. You can never predict how things will turn out, and most likely they will turn out in wonderful ways that you never expected. Often, as hard as it may be, you just have to give things time and they will miraculously work themselves out. Worrying over things when there is nothing you can immediately do to fix them only causes stress, sadness, and frustration. (My advice to myself for the day)

Overall, my first year of college was a very memorable experience. The beginning was rough, and I reached some of the highest highs and lowest lows of my life, but it was definitely an eye-opening experience. I've survived and made it through a rough transitional stage of my life. Now I can't wait to see what next year brings.