Paranoia and Some More Random Stuff

I realize I have this intense paranoia that people don't like me. Even people I should consider friends who probably don't feel that way. I sometimes worry that people don't want to talk to me and only do so because I talked to them first, or that they don't want to talk to me and are doing so just to be polite and kind. Unless I consider someone one of my best friends and he or she has proven him/herself, oftentimes on more than one occasion, then I am apt to question whether or not this person really likes me. I realize this is probably irrational, but it nevertheless, that concern still lingers in the back of my mind. There are some people I fear only talk to me out of duty because of some position they are in, because they have been kind in the past and don't want to ruin that image, or because he or she is just a really nice person and talks and pretends to be interested in people when he/she is really not. I would hate to think that someone would be that fake, but I'm sure it happens. Anyway, that's what I'm thinking about right now, and it concerns more than one person. The rational part of me realizes that I'm probably making all of this up, but I still can't help but wonder.

When people deal with others in a way that is different from mine, it makes me question their real motives. I realize that some people just deal with others differently, and it just so happens that this sometimes causes me to question just how well they like me. I'm sure I'm not the only one who experiences this sort of anxiety, but it sure can be frustrating at times. I fear this is something that will stay with me for the rest of my life, but at least I can rest easy in the fact that I can distinguish the people I know I can count on from the people I'm not so sure about. That way, I'm guaranteed to always have a friend around.

In other news, I forgot to mention my fun observation. The other day when I was riding through the faculty parking garage on my way back from tutoring at the elementary schools, I couldn't help but notice some of the bumper stickers on the cars. The majority (in fact all but one or two) were advertising John Kerry. It's just an interesting observation that most of the professors, incredibly intelligent and informed people, want John Kerry to be president. That really says something about who the most intelligent choice is. Oh, and I got my absentee ballot the other day...so exciting!

But what's even more exciting is that I got my test back from my British lit class and I did so so so so so so so so well! It was better than I've ever done on any test and Denison and I was so so so so so excited. Sorry, I don't mean to brag or be vain, but I was just super excited. That's why I love my English classes so much, because they're actually fun and I actually know what I'm doing in those classes. I'm so glad I finally decided to be an English major!

Anyway, I think I'm going to shirk my history reading for the night and watch a movie with my roommate. Tomorrow is the day I get to sleep in the longest, meaning I don't have to wake up until 8:40. Woo-hoo, that's really sleeping in. Oh well, it will be good for me to get on a schedule with the rest of the world. Adios! :p